A Time for Challenges and Change

It's half past midnight, and I can't sleep. My mind has been racing, faster than a speeding bullet... ok, had to reference superman there. Anyway, for the last two days, I have been completely confused with conflicting emotions and thoughts and ideas. Part of me is thrilled to be here in Winchester, probably one of the most splendid towns in the UK, if not the entire world. The other part of me is already missing family and friends and everything that is familiar to me. It didn't help that I could not access my internet on my personal computer to contact family and friends for the last 3 days and that I hadn't talked to my family since Wednesday. Then this afternoon, I found out I could not access my uni (university) records because I was unable to officially register here because I did not have proper ID to show at orientation yesterday. Thus, I could not get my module schedule. So not only was I feeling completely at odds about being here, I was frustrated with this whole registration process. I felt completely at loss, and so uncertain about everything. I had no idea when my classes are, I had no idea what classes I'm even really taking, and I had no idea where to go from here. And I have to not know where I'm going without the support of the people closest to me. Panick has invaded me, but I try to calm myself down by telling myself that I can bring my ID to wherever I need to bring it on Monday and I can get it all sorted out then. If I happen to miss a class before I am able to get it sorted out, it's ok. I'm in international student, after all. Disorder and confusion are bound to happen, right?

Despite these attempts at personal reassurance, I found myself thoroughly discouraged and anxious. I begin to question myself on why I even came... all this semester has brought me is change. And for most people who know me, they know I don't much appreciate most change. Sure, some change is good, but not when it means I have to leave my comfort zone. All this to say... these last few days have been emotional for me. I go up, I go down... I tell myself I can't do this... I can't stay here for 4 months. Finally this evening I was able to finally access internet on my computer and download skype. I was able to talk to my parents for almost 45 mintues, and then I got to video chat with my sister for 2 hours. I began to realize that even though I hadn't talked to them in a few days and that I was far away from them, I still had their support through prayer. After talking with my sister, I started reading my bible and eventually a verse popped into my head, a whisper from God...

Philippians 4:13 "I can do everything through him who gives me strength"

I'm quick to forget that no matter what life throws my way, I can overcome it by the strength of Christ. He will guide me through every day, and just when I think I can't handle the changes that come with studying abroad, God speaks softly in my ear and tells me I'm in his hands. How easily I forget this, when in truth, it is what should be on the forefront of my mind. If there is one thing I'm going to learn this semester, it is that I need to trust in Him more, and he's going to show me how. Through this, I'm going to change in ways only God can foresee, and that's alright. Because change? I'm learning it can be good.

Change, here I come!